Well that was interesting...
Jul. 22nd, 2019 07:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fuzzyredI was working overtime today and was monumentally bored. When I'm bored (think tedious necessity of sitting and watching while the machine worms almost perfectly), it is very easy to get frustrated. So when a box got caught, I started grumbling in Naa Vodo and next thing I knew, I had a dragon "form" (not corporeal) that can breathe energy (as opposed to traditional fire or ice).
In interesting of keep tracking of all my "forms" (iterations? expressions? moods?) I'm putting a description here, so I don't forget.
Góra (Gu-ra): Polish for mountain. Also, my dragon name.
Dragon-me has two forelegs and two hind legs, wings, a 4-foot tail and is 6 feet tall. There are also spines running down my back and tail. With the exception of underbelly, wings, claws and tail spikes, all of me is garnet red, with some ruby coloured polka dots near feet and hands, and a few random clusters here and there on my back. The wings are garnet red at the top (near the garnet red bony bits) and fade to translucent sheerness at the bottom, without turning pink at any point. The claws are a shiny silver and pointy. The underbelly is made up of tiny scales. About 37% of the scales are a deep sapphire blue, 37% a deep forest green, 15% are garnet, 10% are opal, changing colour with the light, and 5% are silver like my claws. My tail spikes are also an alternating mix of the deep blue and forest green.
I was confused at first because I tried breathing fire and what came out instead were sparkly rainbow triangles. And being red, I thought for sure I should breathe fire. Turns out the underbelly reveals my skill. The mix of blue and green plus the opal means I deal in spirit/energy. The red adds some heat but the main "beam" is energy. Which means I can breathe a ray of frustration, which works for wrecking things just as well as fire. It also means I can breathe rays of happiness, but I haven't figured that skill out yet.
I found a picture courtesy of a google search that is pretty much exactly what I pictured for my dragon form. The only difference is the colour of the underbelly and the tail spikes. The wings are mostly accurate, but a little pale. Dragon me
Other forms to be added when I have time. :)
In interesting of keep tracking of all my "forms" (iterations? expressions? moods?) I'm putting a description here, so I don't forget.
Góra (Gu-ra): Polish for mountain. Also, my dragon name.
Dragon-me has two forelegs and two hind legs, wings, a 4-foot tail and is 6 feet tall. There are also spines running down my back and tail. With the exception of underbelly, wings, claws and tail spikes, all of me is garnet red, with some ruby coloured polka dots near feet and hands, and a few random clusters here and there on my back. The wings are garnet red at the top (near the garnet red bony bits) and fade to translucent sheerness at the bottom, without turning pink at any point. The claws are a shiny silver and pointy. The underbelly is made up of tiny scales. About 37% of the scales are a deep sapphire blue, 37% a deep forest green, 15% are garnet, 10% are opal, changing colour with the light, and 5% are silver like my claws. My tail spikes are also an alternating mix of the deep blue and forest green.
I was confused at first because I tried breathing fire and what came out instead were sparkly rainbow triangles. And being red, I thought for sure I should breathe fire. Turns out the underbelly reveals my skill. The mix of blue and green plus the opal means I deal in spirit/energy. The red adds some heat but the main "beam" is energy. Which means I can breathe a ray of frustration, which works for wrecking things just as well as fire. It also means I can breathe rays of happiness, but I haven't figured that skill out yet.
I found a picture courtesy of a google search that is pretty much exactly what I pictured for my dragon form. The only difference is the colour of the underbelly and the tail spikes. The wings are mostly accurate, but a little pale. Dragon me
Other forms to be added when I have time. :)
no subject
Date: 2019-07-23 02:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-07-23 03:01 am (UTC)Also, if I ever actually change forms or destroy a staircase with an energy beam, I'm likely to freak right out and faint dead. Then probably squeal and fangirl a lot when I revive. 😆
no subject
Date: 2019-07-23 03:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-07-23 11:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-07-24 02:19 am (UTC)*blushes happily*
Date: 2019-07-24 11:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-08-29 03:55 pm (UTC)The spots seem unusual for a dragon, though there are types which are more lizard-like that can have spots and spikes; but the coloring is definitely aura-based, and the breath is right on, which fits for a dragon. As a shapeshifter myself, I have to say that some spiritual experiences can refine that feeling, while others will reinforce it. However, in my experience, it usually takes a shift in the underlying life pattern before your spirit shapes have a major change once they solidify, and it seems like this one came up pretty clear to you.
I'd suggest that you shouldn't think of your breath beam as a weapon, it's more like an extension of your energy with your breath as a guiding focus, so your feelings and intent can "color" it. I can do it as well, and I feel that its quality comes from the heart. You'll be able to learn to heal as well as destroy. There's a kind of reservoir inside that you should be able to learn how to feel, so you can tell when you've used it up and how quickly it refills. I learned not to blast all the time, but to breathe slowly and evenly when I want to charge something up or work carefully with it, sort of like how you'd play a flute or recorder -- or weld a seam of metal.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-29 04:55 pm (UTC)I'm not certain how to define my "forms". So far there has been a dragon, a kitten, and a horse. They aren't separate people; they seem to be more "physical" representations for how I'm feeling. The cat is cuddly, curious, a little bit wary, and a little bit mischievous. The horse is frisky, playful and energetic. The dragon seems to largely be borne of frustration, though she is also fierce, confident and commanding (not things I often am in real life, with the exception of frustrated).
I also don't find myself thinking I'm a dragon (or cat or horse); I'm still human, it's just sometimes fun to imagine having a different shape, and sometimes it feels right.
I may also be just a hair touchy on the subject of identity and defining who I am. If I come off defensive or prickly, I don't mean to, it's just something I'm working through in my head.
I am looking forward to a day where I'm feeling dragony but not feeling like breathing my frustration everywhere. I'd like to have enough positive energy in that form to do something helpful with it.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-29 10:27 pm (UTC)Many otherkin argue that to truly understand identity, one should not attempt to guide the new person or tell them what or who they are, because someone who makes a solid grab at a tenuous or newly-formed identity can sometimes get stuck on an idea that someone told them was true. This can get in the way of forming opinions for oneself. I think it's fun and useful to help people learn how to speculate and explore, and that includes offering ideas to grasp, even if the identity is actually different than first felt or thought.
Here are some ways to think of these forms you've found:
* Mere fantasy
Clearly this started as a simple fantasy, but sometimes it "clicks" and becomes something more. Sometimes it's not. Fantasy often becomes a gateway to desire, showing something you would like to have. Sometimes it's a way to relieve stress and nothing more. Sometimes the idea is not ever going away, but it doesn't replace the idea you already had of who you are. The idea of furry fandom rose from this sort of thing, since anthropomorphic characters are part of how humans relate to non-humans, but there are other ways (and other fandoms) through which one may understand one's fantasy life.
* Otherkin, furry, or something else?
I'm definitely otherkin, and a shapeshifter (in spirit until the gods decide otherwise), but some people don't really define themselves that way; instead it's more like you describe, finding a new self-image that simply fits you. Many furries think of that as a "personal furry", meaning a character you pretend to be who is basically yourself in a not-entirely-human form -- a fantasy, but one with personal meaning.
Some people consider experiences of other forms to be remembering other incarnations, which can get into the idea of being otherkin, but doesn't have to if that's not how you feel you are. Some people spend other lives doing things that aren't what they are in the current life, and that's perfectly okay.
I mean, sure, I'm still human enough to pass most of the time, but there's a lot of affect in it: I'm usually pretending to be human, because I'm comfortable wielding my body to project an image (as long as I know what I want to project). It's something I learned from LARPing and acting. But I understand that the vast majority of humans aren't pretending to be human, or pretending about their desires or identities. When they pretend, the fantasy might linger, but they don't question their identity at all, because the few who do often find they don't have to change their ideas about who they are physically, merely philosophically.
* Totemic manifestation?
Some folks think of imaginary or spirit forms like these as personal totems, representations of an inner nature or visiting entity. Thinking in that way, the cat seems spot-on for a cat to me (mystery and curiosity, comfort and play, adventure and home-keeping), and the horse is telling you about feeling good at both work and play, while the dragon is hinting at some personal power being revealed in you (dragon is a power totem, and dreams of dragons often reveal strengths and weaknesses).
Have you tried using any of their abilities in your daily life? That's actually a spirit-worker's trick, bringing special powers from one side into the other (non-physical into physical, and vice-versa); knowledge of physics, engineering, mathematics, and other non-magical tricks often comes from time spent incarnate where it's needed, while extra senses and spirit-energy abilities often come from playing with forms and powers in Dreamtime or mental/spiritual environments (daydreaming among them). Then you get into lives spent *as* spaceships or dragons, which is exciting for many until old problems intrude as well (old wounds or emotional connections are common things to bring in from other lives).
Food for thought
Date: 2019-08-30 02:00 pm (UTC)I never would have thought of the totems on my own, but it's not as unlikely as I first thought when I read that heading. I don't think it's a perfect fit, but I like the idea of a spirit form. When I'm thinking about the dragon, or the cat, or the horse, it doesn't feel like I have those physical traits, and I still feel like *me*, I can just "see" the dragon, or whichever, in my minds eye. The character traits are what carry over more, like the confidence of the dragon, or the warm cuteness of the cat.
Thinking about all of this, it feels like a sliding scale. In the middle, where I spend most of my time, is me; a female human of average height with brown hair and hazel eyes, who fidgets a lot, is easily bored and likes learning new things. Slide to the right, and you get the cat, who likes cuddles and being playfully mischievous. Keep going and you get the horse, who is frisky and energetic, as likely to settle down as to pretend to kick or bite. Even further is the dragon, confident and strong, taking no shit, happy use her powers for improving things but not scared to use them to tear something down.
If you slide to the left, you get the me who is likely to be classified as a "little" (even though I don't really think that term applies), who is playful and energetic and doesn't like adulting and you can't make her. Further is the brat, poking and teasing and pushing at boundaries, just to see if they really are there, but always cautious not to stray into disrespectful or annoying. Furthest is the submissive, who wants to give in and obey, who relishes in someone else having the control and being able to serve and please.
Now, the order might not be exactly correct, but putting personalities on a line is hard, and this is how it made the most sense right now. They are all still *me*, just different variations as mood and situations change. I think that's why labels (like "little") bother me a tad; it doesn't feel like I have different entities in me, or separate identities, it's all just a sliding scale of me. My scale just happens to include a few different forms and varies a little more than just "subdued, happy, out with friends, out with family, home alone, angry, tired, etc." which society claims is normal for most people.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-29 10:31 pm (UTC)I know I've wanted to be able to breathe destruction on a few things that really frustrate and annoy me, as well as being able to make new objects with magic (which means my bicycle wouldn't currently be waiting on repairs).
no subject
Date: 2019-08-30 12:00 pm (UTC)